Don't Shoot Yourself In the Foot

This week I am "blogging for books." When given the opportunity to review Shaunti Feldhahn's newest release, I jumped at the chance. She is one of my favorites! Shaunti's strength is in her use of analytical skills to interpret research and develop practical theory. As one who appreciates an academic perspective without  academic jargon, I pour over Feldhahn's work. The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace did not disappoint. I find myself pondering (and applying) Feldhahn's research results daily.

While reading The Male Factor, I had to remind myself of the book's purpose. I do not have to agree the unwritten rules and secret beliefs of men at work, but I desire to be aware of these rules and secrets in order to build my interpersonal skills accordingly. Feldhahn writes:

 "Just because certain expectations exist in the workplace doesn't mean we have to meet them, or allow them to pressure us into a course that is demonstrably not right for us" (p. 201).

Feldhahn's purpose is to inform, and to offer some basic advice in regards to male - female interactions in the workplace. I find that the foundation of her work - high quality research with a nationally representative  sample of over 1500 men - lends invaluable credibility to the message. She is not reporting her opinion; Feldhahn is reporting the results of her research that spans 8 years of collection and analysis. The resulting message is powerful!

I am not a corporate ladder climber, so why do I care about Feldhahn's message in The Male Factor? I care because experiences in the workplace frustrate me.... At times, these experiences even flabbergast me! As I read this book, new levels of awareness hit me over and over again. The bottomline is: Men and women think, act, expect, respond, relate, work differently. So, whether I am in the home interacting with my husband and sons, at a volunteer meeting in the elementary school, leading a small group for church, or working for pay, the more understanding I have towards the differences between men and women, the more effective (and efficient) I will become in these roles - including my role in the workplace.

What surprised me the most in reading The Male Factor? Men's beliefs about incorporating one's personal world with one's work world were eye-opening. Feldhahn calls them "the laws of gravity" because these beliefs "govern the working world" for men. At this point, I must insert that Feldhahn frequently recognizes that not ALL men hold these beliefs, but the research speaks for itself in identifying the belief system of MOST men in the American workplace. Back to the "laws of gravity" (p. 62-78):

• One Can Never Take Things Personally
• You Essentially Become Your Position
• One Doesn't Make Business Decisions Based on Personal Factors
• Get Business Done Despite Personal Factors
• Emotions in the Workplace Have to Be Related to Business
• Conflicts Are Task-Specific and Should Never Carry Over and Become Grudges

In a nutshell, for men, the catch-phrase is "It's just business," according to Feldhahn, and women who are not aware of these laws often unknowingly "shoot themselves in the foot."

Will everyone agree with Feldhahn's research results and subsequent theories? Not a chance. Have I been positively changed in reading this book? Absolutely! I highly value interpersonal growth and maturity. The Male Factor is guiding me towards new shoots of growth. I highly recommend the book!

To purchase this book, go here or here.
To read more, visit the book's website here.

This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah.

Coming Up This Week!

This week I will be reviewing Shaunti Feldhaun's newest book: The Male Factor.

Just wanted to give you a head's up!

It's a great read!

Tight Jeans & Truth

I heard a person characterize their sheltered childhood in terms of being intentionally kept narrow-minded. When this person spoke of maturing, he/she referred to the mind uniquely being opened to new possibilities. These possibilities were considered fresh and eye-opening, thereby leading this person to pursue a different lifestyle that became more fulfilling than the teachings of a narrow-minded childhood. From my perspective, the lifestyle choices of this individual were questionable, and I wondered how one makes such drastic changes in belief systems?

While there are certainly neither easy answers to this question, nor quick fixes, I do believe the above scenario represents common human experiences. Take the biblical Eve, for example. She did not choose to eat the fruit simply because she was starving, and an apple was her only option. She choose to eat the fruit because she was enticed to eat it. She considered the options before her, and she believed the lies of the serpent. We all make similar evaluations and decisions on a regular basis. I struggle with eating too much. I hate the way my jeans fit, but when edible options are before me - even while in my tight jeans - I have a hard time choosing the healthy option over the more convenient option, or the more tasty option. My taste buds have experienced a different lifestyle, and they find the new lifestyle option quite fulfilling - whether it is best for my body, mind, and spirit, or not. My desires regularly convince me to compromise (and to forget about the tight jeans).

The serpent, the enemy, is very good at convincing humans that what is best for us is really rather narrow-minded. The enemy makes his way appear fresh, and new, and delicious, and oh, so wise. He entices us by making us believe that our struggles and hardships may be overcome by following his way, rather than God's way. The road of the enemy is complex - as one compromise leads to another until one does not even recognize the difference between Truth and deception. There are many people who are feasting on deception, and they do not even know it!

"There are many who walk along the Christian road who are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their future is eternal loss, for their god is their appetite: they are proud of what they should be ashamed of; and all they think about is life here on earth" (Philippians 3:18-19, TLB).

God gladly provides Truth to anyone who sinerely seeks Truth. Seeking Truth, much like pursuing healthy lifestyle choices, takes discipline and focus. I know the joyous feeling of fitting into a smaller jean size, but the fulfullment of finding Truth is beyond measurable!

20 Chronological Points in 2009

I suppose one is to share an annual recap before one shares her New Year's goals, but I'm not one to do everything in order... which may be a reason why I am not so good in the kitchen, or with crafts. Here is Heidi Tracht's 2009 in 20 chronological points (see, I like some elements of order):

1. In January, Beth Moore inspired me (and a few thousand others) to begin memorizing 2 pieces of scripture a month for 2009.
2. In January, I traveled with Steve to San Diego for a few days. The season of winter is a choice....
   
3. I started blogging in February.
4. I began teaching my first courses, as an MVNU adjunct professor, in February.
   
5. I coordinated the MVNU Women's Auxiliary Retreat in March featuring Shaunti Felhahn, as speaker; and Kim Tharp, as musician. It was a big highlight of 2009.
6. Tyler had surgery in March (after the retreat), and he (we) lived through 6 weeks of 2 walking casts.
7. The months of April and May were a blur.... I was likely studying every waking moment.
   
8. I finished my master's degree in June (M.S. in General Psychology from Capella University)!
9. Thanks to our dearest friends, Dennis & Amy Moles, I experienced the awesome beauty of Michigan beaches in June.
10. As a graduation gift, Steve gave me my first i-pod. I have entered the 21st century - although a little late!
    
11. I soooo enjoyed catching up with several of my ONU friends in July.
12. The boys and I made our annual 3-week pilgrimage to Washington State and Oregon in July/August. There is a possibility that it was our last such trip....
    
13. Tanner began Middle School in August - what a change for both me and him.
14. In September, I started teaching 2 courses (4 sections total, and 75 students) at MVNU - what a wild ride!
15. Something this fall, I started texting - again, a little late, but I am sort of technologically savvy.
    
16. It is safe to say that I attended more soccer games in the months of September, October, and November than ever before in my life (Tanner's team, Tyler's team, the MVNU team, and the final game of the MV High School team). I am officially addicted!
    
17. November took us on a family trip to Rochester, New York for the purpose of cheering on the MVNU men's soccer team. We also visited our friends, Paul & Gay Andree.
18. In December, I actually completed my 2009 New Year's Challenge of memorizing 24 pieces of scripture!!!
19. As a reward, I will be attending a special event (only for those who completed the challenge) in Houston with Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell.
20. In December, I have just been informed that I spent $800 in groceries! Wow, or Ooops, I do not know.... We entertained ALOT this month, and I baked a TON of Christmas goodies. I guess it will be easy to do better in January!
    

Final Entry: Goal 2009... What's Up for 2010?

The final two memory verses I chose for 2009 are:

"Now we see but a poor reflection;
then we shall see face-to-face.
Now I know in part;
then I shall know even as I am fully known."
1 Corinthians 13:12

"Think of what you were before you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many of you were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God alone choose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God choose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that were not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, righteousness, holiness, and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: 'Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.'"
1 Corinthians 1:26-31

With these verses, my 2009 goal to memorize 24 pieces of scripture is complete. I am still working to finalize the memorization, but I am very close. There have been very few New Year's goals that I have successfully completed, so I should be so proud and excited! I am not, though. Necessary changes in 2010 are on my mind! 2010 is my 40th year, and I am not feeling so good. Turning 40 doesn't bother me, but something doesn't feel right....

I have been contemplating how to approach 2010. Should I continue memorizing scripture? I am thinking that I it would be a good discipline to continue.... But, I would like to add another discipline. I would like to read through the Bible in a year. I have never completed such a challenge, though I have tried several times (One year, I even stayed on track through May! Who gives up such a challenge in May??). Another challenge I would like to attempt is strengthening a healthy physical lifestyle. My issue is that both reading the Bible in a year, and healthy eating/exercise is just so common!! And, I have failed so many times! Yuck!

Today is January 1st, so I am feeling the pressure to commit to a challenge. These are the three challenges I will begin with:

1. Memorize 2 pieces of scripture a month.
2. Initiate a plan for Reading the Bible through in a year (or more).
3. Add a healthy discipline each season.

I'll try to keep you posted. Go Bucks!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!

12 Years Ago....

On this very night, 12 years ago, Steve & I made our way to the hospital with our bags packed, and our minds full of anticipation. What would it be like to be parents? Would we have a son or a daughter? How badly is this going to hurt (that was my main question)?

Ours was a scheduled induction, so we patiently waited for a room and a bed (I felt a little like Mary, actually). Our dear friends, Mark & Sherry Evilsizor, met us with a movie (I can't remember the title, as I was a bit distracted). Not much sleep was to be had that night - 12 years ago. Steve stayed awake for hours in the lobby watching an Ohio State basketball game, while I tried my hardest to rest before the big show early the next morning. I finally succumbed to taking some sleep meds, and I drifted off for a few hours.

First thing in the morning, on December 29, 1997, I was awakened by a nurse to prepare for the event of a lifetime. Despite the waiting and the pain, that day was, and still is, the most memorable day of my life: the day I became a mommy. I am kind of a wimp, but I did it!! And, I will never forget the incredulous feeling of holding my baby for the very first time.

Several hours later, as Steve and I settled into our hospital room with Tanner, he began to cry. We looked at each other and simultaneously asked, "What do we do now?" Ha - That may have been the first occasion to ask such a question as parents, but it certainly was not the last! We've looked at each other and asked that question over and over again... even today!

12 years later, there are new questions every day. Parenting is tough! We've made many mistakes along the way. If we do anything right, then it is by the grace of God.

Before we had children, I remember listening to a song by Anointed titled, "Not The I But The You In Me." The song helps me focus on the True Center. Here are the lyrics:

You have walked into my life
You have painted all my dreams
‘Til the color of your love is the color of me
You can look into my heart
And you can read my mind
You can read about yourself in between the lines

Chorus:
Every good thing I have done
Everything that I’ve become
Everything that’s turned out right
Is because You’re in my life
And if I ever teach a child the way
Ever learn myself to change
Ever become who I want to be
It’s not the I but the You in me.

You have looked into my eyes
You have seen what I am
But still, You’re by my side
Telling me I can
And there are times I’ve caused you pain
And times I’ve made mistakes
Somehow you used them all to make the I you made

And if I ever wondered for a hundred, thousand years
I would never understand
How you’re in me
And I’m in you
And you could say
You are the reason why I am

If you want to take a listen, try this:

It's Not The I But The You In Me

or you can Goggle it!

Happy 12th Birthday, Tanner!!!
We love you more every day!

Christmas Letter 2009

It's official. I will not be writing a traditional Christmas letter on printed paper to be mailed via the USPS. I thought about it... for a few minutes... and decided that I did not have the capacity to make it happen. We're in a "no news is good news" phase of life....

Steve - is in the midst of his 7th year at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. Our move to MV was a monumental life change, and we are marveling at how quickly 7 years have past. Within the next 7 years, we will be nearing the empty-nest phase of life - OH MY! So, Steve is busy investing in the lives of our 2 boys. He is either coaching or monitoring their sports teams, managing the PTO monies for the elementary school, helping with all math homework, playing various ball games inside and out, and having some in-depth conversations about the meaning of life and having Christ as Lord of one's life. Steve was honored with East Elementary's "Volunteer of the Year" in May. He is a fabulous dad!!!

Heidi - is in her 5th year of work in Academic Support at MVNU. She has found her professional niche in life, and loves administering programs that directly impact students for the good in their studies. In February, Heidi began teaching at MVNU in addition to her administrative duties. In June, with much anticipation, she completed her Master of Science degree in General Psychology with a specialization in Educational Psychology. Heidi's nine month schedule allows her to enjoy the best of both worlds - in terms of a career and motherhood. She and the boys look forward to time off in order to play, and simply bask in a slower pace of life. Heidi continues to volunteer at East Elementary, and now at the MV Middle School, as well. She is cooking more regularly - much to dismay of the kids, who love to eat out as much as she does. Heidi also coordinates an annual women's event at MVNU. In March 2010, the Women's Auxiliary will host Lysa TerKuerst.


Tanner - will turn 12 this month! He is becoming quite a social young man as a Middle Schooler. While our expectations for his academics surpass his own, Tanner is doing well and will even occasionally admit that he likes school. The transition to Middle School came at a perfect time for Tanner, and we have all adjusted to the new environment (complete with school dances and an occasional party). Tanner has a fun sense of humor - that we must continually help him control. His teachers also appreciate his humor, but join with us in helping him define appropriate timing. From his mom's perspective, who clearly remembers a 5 year old boy who rarely cracked a smile throughout his entire Kindergarten year, a few disciplinary issues related to classroom disruptions are actually a relief! Tanner plays soccer and basketball, but is obsessed with football. Going against his mother's hopes and dreams, Tanner plans to play on a football team for the first time in 2010.


Tyler - is 9 years old, and in the 4th grade. We decided to pursue surgery in March 2009 for his toe-walking (he inherited a neurological disease from his mom causing him to exclusively toe-walk). The surgery went well, and after 6 weeks of double walking casts, he learned to walk again - even playing soccer this fall. School is a joy for Tyler because of gym class, lunch, and recess. We often hear the phrase, "Everyone loves Tyler!" He is outgoing, funny, and quite personable. Younger kids, in particular, are drawn to him! Tyler plays soccer and basketball, and has caught the NFL bug - the Arizona Cardinals are his team of choice (we don't know why?!?). In his class's upcoming Ohio Wax Museum presentation, Tyler will portray Thomas Edison. He tells us that the Ohio governor is coming to visit the presentation. We're not sure if he is confusing the Mount Vernon mayor for the state governor. Regardless, he's already memorized the biography that he will recite.

Mandy - is our 2 year old Miniature Schnauzer. She brings warmth and personality to our home. We recently bought Mandy her first sweater - it is gray with pink argyles. Steve says, "She looks ridiculous." The rest of us thinks she is simply precious!

From our house to yours, may Christ touch your heart this Christmas. May you be drawn into a closer relationship with Him in 2010. May you allow Him to personally reveal Himself to you in our turbulent, confusing culture. Christ desires to be found by you as you search for Him with all your heart. It is our prayer that you will engage in the search in order to find the fear and the knowledge of the Lord. His wisdom, provision, and purpose surpass everything that this world has to offer!

The Tracht Family