There are many aspects of my job that I enjoy, but the most fulfilling piece is when I have the opportunity to encourage a student. Some students are doing well, and just need a pat on the back to keep their focus on the goal. Some students are failing, and they need encouragement in understanding that academic probation or failure does not define them. Some student pass their courses, but it takes every ounce of fortitude to complete the tasks. These students face obstacles beyond my understanding, and I find myself wondering, "Why, God?" Encouragement is fulfilling to give, and it is vital to receive!

As I am reading Adam Hamilton's The Journey (2011), I am reminded of how much we all need encouragement! The angel Gabriel offered Mary encouragement. In a dream, God offered Joseph encouragement. Elizabeth heaped encouragement upon Mary. In the midst of trying circumstances at work this semester, several key folks offered me encouragement, and it made a tremendous difference in my journey. I realized that I work in an environment where appreciation and encouragement are common. And, you know what? It makes me want to appreciate and encourage others more!

Look around you, and prepare to encourage those who cross your path. Encouragement is a free gift (and you don't need a coupon, or a frequent shopper card!). Enjoy blessing others!

One of my favorite pre-school "projects" brought home by Ty.

Emmanuel - God with us.

I have no earthly idea how people without faith in God deal with life's difficulties. "God has not promised us a life without suffering or a world without pain; he has promised to walk with us through the suffering and the pain (The Journey, Hamilton, 2011).

Am I alone in this, or do most people have an aversion to pain? There is someone close to me who is suffering, and I want to fix it so badly. I even blame myself for the pain he is feeling. As recent as Sunday night, my mind would not rest for re-living decisions, and wondering if things would be different if only....

I am responsible for nurturing this person, and I am so imperfect. Have I caused the pain? Can I fix it?

As I recall my own adolescence, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that pain led to significant growth in me. Oh, but it is so much harder to watch another face such development from this perspective. I said to a friend today, "Do they have any idea what they do to us?" No, no they don't, and they won't until the roles change. In the meantime, I know Emmanuel, and I know He is with us... always.

The cliche is very true, "They grow up so fast!"

Righteous, Baby!

The word "righteousness" is not popular word. Some people have done great things for righteousness sake, but others have acted out really horrible things for righteousness sake. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) describes Joseph as a righteous man, but not in the way I might immediately think....

When Joseph first heard of Mary's condition, he intended to quietly leave her - this was considered righteous by a literal reading of the law. After Joseph heard a word from God regarding Mary and the baby she carried, he disobeyed the law and married her. "Joseph's righteousness led him to ignore the clear teaching of the law. What does this tell us about the New Testament definition of righteousness" (Hamilton, 2011)?

Open-mindedness to these ideas inspire me to avoid quick, judgmental attitudes towards those who think differently from me - in any direction. How might God be working? Might He be working in ways that are not immediately evident to me? Might He work in ways that I do not understand? Might He work in ways that I disagree with? Based on the Biblical account of Christ's birth, it is likely!

Another gift from Christmas '97 that I hold dear to my heart!

Doubt at Christmas

Doubt is not a common theme at Christmas. I like the way Adam Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) compares Joseph with "Doubting Thomas" upon hearing Mary's news:

Joseph was the first person in the Gospel who doubted; he might be considered (with "Doubting Thomas") the patron saint of doubters.

Interesting. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) also remarks that "doubt is not the enemy of faith; it is often the doorway to a deeper faith." Even more interesting.

For better or for worse, I am not a doubter. It is fairly easy for me to believe in Spiritual things that I can not see, or fully understand. Yet, I yearn for a deeper faith. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) suggests that we may overcome doubt by "remain(ing) open to possibilities." I think the same is true for people who, like me, find faith in God rather easy. The "doorway to a deeper faith" for me is remaining open-minded to the possibilities. God is not finished with humanity. He continues to influence humanity, and teach us His truth. It is not that His truth is changing, BUT it could be that as He continually reveals His truth, WE are changing.

I have added this ornament to a Christmas tree for as long as I can remember. Raggedy Ann has nothing to do with doubt - she is just a Christmas memory.... :-)

More Christmas Pondering

We've made Christmas beautiful and busy. Not all bad, but not all good. The beautiful part is nice - warm memories, emotion-filled music, pretty decor, thoughtful gifts for/from special people. Like the history of many nice things, humanity steals the joy and adds excess until we are warped. This phenom is not just about Christmas. It is about nearly everything, including our ideas of what is right and good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how screwed up we all are in our thinking and acting - each of us in our unique way, of course.

As an example, Adam Hamilton writes (The Journey: A Season of Reflections, 2011):

When Matthew tells Jesus' genealogy he lists two prostitutes and an adulteress, women who were outsiders....

If tradition is correct, Mary's family lived in the cheapest form of affordable housing at that time: a cave. Mary's village was considered of 'no account.' But it was precisely here that God...

Even by today's standards, these examples not pretty, perfect, or glamorous. Why do we equate "the good life" with beauty, perfection, and comfort?

I love this nativity - it is rough and imperfect!

Why do we work so hard to be "happy," or to ensure our kids are happy? to be "successful," or to make our kids successful? If we believe anything about God, we believe he acts unexpectedly:

God routinely chooses the humble and the least expected in and through whom he might do his greatest work (Hamilton, 2011).

Shouldn't we be searching for God in the unexpected? Shouldn't we be acting in unexpected ways? Shouldn't we be considering ideas that are unconventional - whatever our particular convention of thought might be right now? Might not God use us in unexpected ways, if we look for Him in our discomfort, our imperfections, our ugliness - again whatever defines our discomfort, imperfections, and ugliness? I don't know about you, but my discomforts, imperfections, and ugliness vary, but they never completely leave me. My Christmas ponderings are leading me to embrace them, rather than avoid them.

Please God, help me to to embrace
Your ideas  with open-mindedness; 

release me from the ideas of this world
that paralyze me.

Christmas Memories and Ponderings

There is a plethora (I learned that word in high school playing Balderdash) of Christmas devotional guides available these days. At least 2 good ones were available for free via Amazon for Kindle this year. I chose Adam Hamilton's The Journey: A Season of Reflections. Hamilton is the pastor of a United Methodist church in Kansas City. His teaching is thought-provoking, and I need to be thought-provoked to feel alive, even it is uncomfortable at times. The Journey is not disappointing. I hope to share a few of my thoughts in the coming days. This first Christmas post (There may actually be more than one....) is not directly related, but it is a place my heart goes every Christmas.

Advent is a time of preparing; an expectant time of year. My favorite Christmas of all time was the Christmas I was expectant with our first baby. It was rich with wonder and dreams; with preparing and with expectancies of all things unknown in the gift of parenthood. We were living in Kansas City - far from family, but our life was relationship rich. Tanner's actual due date was December 25 (my hope was for a late arrival). Steve's job included time off for Christmas. As he wrapped up his last day, we settled in to wait out our last few days of being married without children. Several of our closest friends were expectant with us awaiting their firstborns in December 1997.

Mark and Sherry Evilsizors's home was our home away from home. They chose to stay in KC for the holiday to settle in with us, and wait out the arrival of Tracht Baby #1. We spent many hours (and I mean MANY HOURS) playing Nerts over the holidays. Each night as we would leave their home, I'd struggle to get my swollen feet back into my shoes - eventually Mark just loaned me his slippers. We sat in narrow wooden dining room chairs to play Nerts. Moving the game around the living room recliner to suit my comfort was offered, but I refused with visions of Gilbert Grape. As I decorate for Christmas each year, I relive the Christmas of 1997 - especially when I hang this ornament, a gift from Sherry:

The Christmas of 1997 was indeed special! It was the year we became The Tracht Family. Family is Christmas. For me, I know Christ more intimately because of family. The goods, the bads, the beautiful, and the ugly are represented in family - in my family of origin, in my immediate family of 4, in my family of God....

The Battle to Engage

I believe the Lord has brought together a unique group of moms to participate in a small group. I am so very thankful for this gift of community. This morning I thought about preparing an email for this group, but tonight I decided to write my thoughts in this forum.

As I have pondered the lessons in our Bible study on raising boys, I have come to realize how much of my parenting is based on fear right now. It is has not always been this way, and I don't really know how I ended up in this spot. But, here I am feeling fearful and anxious. Mothering a 13 year old and an 11 year old are certainly part of the equation, but the fear that I feel has greater depth. I am lacking trust in God.

This isn't the first time that I have lacked trust in my adult life. I can recall a time when my boys were toddlers that I struggled to trust. It was during that time that the Lord gave me this scripture, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" 2 Chronicles 20:15b (NIV). God also guided me to relinquish my control in the battle, but I did still have a role to play. He told me to simply "Engage." Just engage, and let Him be the commander.

Well, I am back in that spot; that spot where I want so desperately to control! God has clearly spoken, and that control is not mine to own. He is the Commander, and he will control. I simply need to engage and trust. Engage with my growing boys, and trust that God will provide, protect, and lead us.

To my community of moms, "March on, my soul(s); be strong" (Judges 5:21b), and engage!

The Honeymoon is Over!

The honeymoon is over... and that's not all bad. There is a philosophy that says: If you are not challenged by all that is on your plate, then you probably aren't doing much to advance the kingdom of God (or something like that...). Suffice it to say - I am definitely challenged! I am challenged by home and family, I am challenged by my work, I am challenged spiritually, I am challenged by nearly everything in my midst. I am digging this Idaho fall weather, though!

Here are some of my thoughts about challenges:

I have worked/volunteered for more than a dozen not-for-profits in some form or fashion. None of them have been perfect. When you dig in deep enough, every place that is filled with people is quite dysfunctional at some level. The challenge is not in finding a perfect place, but in diligently working purposefully amongst the dysfunction - be it big, or be it small.

I have learned that I really don't function well amidst of controversy. Yet, controversy is everywhere! I am learning how to embrace only the controversy that affects my the God-given purpose within an organization, or within a relationship. If I have the opportunity to impact the controversy in a positive manner, then it is a part of my God-given purpose (even if that means confrontation). It is extremely defeating for me to hear more than I am equipped to handle. So, I am learning how to step back and carefully (wisely, by the grace of God) choose my place in the midst of controversy.

Some folks thrive within controversy. It's not too hard to spot these kinds of folks because they always have a controversy to share. Oftentimes their stories are intriguing... because information is power, isn't it? Or is it? Power, when fueled by lack of wisdom and discernment, is destructive. This kind of power is easy, and it spreads fast... kind of like a poison.

God knows that I have something good to offer this world, and so do you. The evil one also knows this truth. The evil one uses our weaknesses to advance his purposes. Oh, how I want to steer clear of that kind of influence.

My prayer for 2011 is shaping up via the portions of Scripture that I have felt led to memorize:

"O Lord, listen to my cry; give the discerning mind you promised" (Psalm 119:169). Thank you for reminding me that "the battle is not (mine), but (yours)" (2 Chronicles 20:15b). To allow Your leadership in battle, I must "fix my eyes on (You), the author and perfecter of (my) faith" (Hebrews 12:2). So, "when You said, 'Seek my face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, Lord, I will seek" (Psalm 27:8)!

I know, Lord, that "we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7), and that Your "grace is sufficient for (me), for (Your) power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). In my weakness, thank you for reminding me that "words kill, (and) words give life; they're either poison or fruit." You give me the power to choose (Proverbs 18:21). Because of the choices you give me, I am able to "march on (and) be strong" (Judges 5:21b)! And you are my strength; You make "my feet like the feet of deer, (You) enable me to tread on the heights" (Habakkuk 3:19). You keep from following the draw of popular culture - the draw that leads to slavery (Acts 7:39).

Thank You for Your word! It is a "lamp for my feet, and a light for my path" (Psalm 119: 105). It is my hope - "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His Word" (Psalm 130:5). You are "the king over all kings and the master of all masters" (1 Timothy 6:15).Because of You, I can "forget the former things" (Isaiah 43:18-19), and I can "impress (your commandments) on (my) children" (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). I can grow in faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, Godliness, brotherly kindness, and love (2 Peter 1:5-9). It is only through You, that Your children will find unity. And, it is through unity that the world will know You (John 17:23). Your kingdom, God, is near, but it can not be observed as a place. Your kingdom is within me, Your child (Luke 17:20-21).

Amen.

But God....

Today I worshiped God in the church where I was raised - Centralia, WA First Naz. It's impossible to visit Centralia without reminiscing! Now that I am the parent of a teen, my mind was racing during church - while I was trying to concentrate, of course ;) I sat with Bev McClendon - the mom of one of my high school BFs. She introduced me to people as her "adopted daughter." Ha! As I pondered the past, and as I hugged the folks who've encouraged me and supported me through the years, I clearly realized:

It is not perfect parents, perfect friends, perfect churches, perfect pastors, perfect teachers, perfect communities, or perfect ANYTHINGS that produce "successful" adults out of strange teenagers. For me, it was largely the result of my parents surrounding me with a bunch of folks who loved me, who mentored me, and who simply cared about me. The church is far from a perfect place, and lots of really bad things occur inside and outside of the church, but God.... I've experienced a whole lot of "but God."

So here I am - in the midst of my first year as the mom of a teen - and I am FULL OF FEAR! Not only is the world a different place, but the life my family is living is very different from the life that I lived. My tendency is to control. I don't want my teen to suffer; I want my teen to be happy. I tend to simply think happiness equals success, but does it really?

As I pondered my youth during church today, I recalled some really tough times - times when I was truly and deeply hurt and unhappy; times when I am certain that my mom was wringing her hands, feeling stressed out that her daughter would survive adolescence as a whole, healthy person. But God.... Others have modeled "but God..." throughout my life, and I have received this truth. Linda Dillow writes:

"God, don't let my pain be wasted. Use it to conform me to Your image. Use it to teach me how to be content" (Calm My Anxious Heart).

I know with absolute certainty that God uses the challenges in my life, rather the comforts of my life, to make me more like Him. My prayer has always been that He would shape my boys to become Godly men with deeply held passions to serve Him in some way. With that prayer, I realized today that I also need to allow them to experience growing pains - just like I did. It stinks, and I really don't like it. The momma bear in me wants to protect and control. But God.... The Christ-follower in me says, "that control was never yours to have, Heidi."

I have learned some keys to successful parenting through the years. Mostly I have learned to love, to give them to God, to love some more, to allow consequences, to allow growing pains, to try really hard NOT to think that I am in control! In this phase of life, I am learning about "But God..." all over again in a whole new way!

Yesterday *SIGH*

We crossed a milestone this week. The Trachts have officially completed elementary school! I have sooo many wonderful memories of my boys' elementary school years, and the teachers that blessed our lives - from the first day to the final day.

Today, the last shall be first.... Tyler had one remaining year in elementary school when we moved to Idaho. Steve enrolled him at Sunny Ridge Elementary last August. The secretaries were extremely nice to Tyler, and asked him if he'd like to choose his 5th grade teacher from the pictures in the hall. Tyler chose Mr. James Bright based on.... Who knows? 9 months later, we know full well.... It was a God-thing. Mr. Bright changed Tyler's life! Here's Ty (his preferred name now), Mr. Bright, and our parting gift of appreciation (an Ohio State bobble head for the Boise State fan):

Do you know the phenomena where women have unusually fond feelings for the doctor that delivered their babies? Weird, I know. But it is inexplicable true! I feel this way about Mr. Bright. Did I just admit that in public? No worries - he's a happily married man with children he adores! :)

Ty had a fantastic school year! Not only is Mr. Bright's classroom every child's dream, but he took special interest in Ty at the beginning of the year. He personally guided Ty to friends; friends with whom, I believe, he will walk side-by-side to high school graduation. Mr. Bright even made state testing fun, and that's a challenge these days! Ty is confident as he approaches 6th grade - his first year of middle school. What an incredible blessing!

I can not speak so fondly of The Trachts final day of elementary school without reminiscing about our first! Tanner's very first day of Kindergarten was the day we moved to Mount Vernon, Ohio. Ahhh, Mrs. Pat John, another saint in teacher's clothes. Steve and I accompanied Tanner to his first day - after sleeping on the floor of our new home the previous night, and eating McDonald's sitting "criss-cross-applesauce" (i.e., the PC term for Indian-style). Tanner was the epitome of a "deer in headlights," and I felt sick leaving my baby with complete strangers in a foreign land. Steve literally pulled me away from the school. It was mommy guilt to the nth degree. Nine years later, Mrs. John is a dear friend (who happens to be retiring this very year). She is like a rock star in Mount Vernon! Yes, we've been blessed every year by loving teachers who cared for our children in their own unique ways!

Ms. Jan Hawkins taught both boys in first grade. Tanner was sooo scared of her on the first day of first grade, yet Ms. Hawkins became one of his favorites. She even took us out for ice cream last summer before we left Ohio. I loved picking Tanner up from school that year, because Jan would often pull me aside and tell me something funny that Tanner had said in class. They have a similar sense of humor, and were consistently cracking one another up!

Ms. Hawkins (holding back tears)

Mrs. Marilyn Nagy, Mrs. Pam Ice, Mrs. Tiffany Firebaugh (Yes, the third grade teachers were Ice and Firebaugh. Pam retired, and now the third grade teachers are Firebaugh and Melton - ha!). Tyler had double casts on his feet for 6 weeks in 3rd grade. Tiffany was so compassionate and helpful! I'll never forget her comments at our parent-teacher conference: "Every morning the kids write in their journals, and I ask for volunteers to share.... Every morning Tyler raises his hand to share from his journal." Yep, that's my Ty! Love his enthusiasm for life.

Mrs. Nagy (tall and in pink), Mrs. John (back row in white), and Mrs. Ice (front row in blue)

Both of my boys connected especially well with their 4th grade teachers: Tanner with Mrs. Jewel Porter, and Tyler with Ms. Hollie Frackman. Jewel had high expectations, but a softness about her that allowed Tanner to relax, and really enjoy school. It was fun to see him so content. Hollie is one of those teachers that gives her life to the profession, and it shows. She hosts "Camp-Read-Alot," a sleepover in the school, every year. And, in Tyler's 4th grade year, she coordinated a "wax museum" of famous Ohioans. It was one of the best school events I've ever attended - and the kids were so proud of themselves. So fun!

Tanner and Mrs. Porter

Ms. Frackman and Tyler

Speaking of programs, East Elementary has exceptional events! From the Christmas program, and the traditional "Song of Peace" in Mount Vernon's historic Memorial Theater to creative summer reading kick-off assemblies and spring programs....Okay, I could just kick myself for not recording the "Song of Peace" while the boys were at East Elementary, but I found this video on You Tube - it is NOT their school but you get the idea.... :)

Oh, I am just feeling so nostalgic! Education is just an wonderful thing for children, and their families when teachers are committed, and enjoy their careers. It pains me to see them so frustrated by state legislation that affects the day-to-day activities in their classrooms (but that's another topic altogether). To all teachers who love their careers (most days), and especially to those who touched The Tracht Family, we think the world of you!! THANK YOU!

41 and Counting

Someone recently asked me, "Do you feel badly about being in your 40's?"

Without a doubt, I responded, "Absolutely not!"

I love 2 Corinthians 4:16 (NIV):

Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we're wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

My 20's were challenging because I wanted to be and do so much more than I had available to me. During my 30's I began to catch a glimpse of and to grasp a hold of the purposes God planted within me. Now, in my 40's, I am finally living out some of those purposes.

My pastor asked this question today:

On what are you hanging your heart? People, places, and things disappoint, BUT JESUS....

 More and more each day I am finding BUT JESUS... and He's wonderfully freeing! This morning I so enjoyed singing:

At the top of my lungs I will sing, “Hallelujah!”

You’re the One who saved me, the One who gave me

This life I live forevermore, forevermore!

At the top of my lungs I will sing, “Hallelujah!”

I’m not ashamed. I’ll praise Your name,

Let the whole world know I love You, Lord. I love You, Lord!

Top of My Lungs - By Tony Wood, Jim Odom, Ryan Wingo

May 1, 2011

May 1, 2011 will be remembered as a day in history that evoked great emotion. It is one of those days in which we will remember where we were when we heard the news. Me? I was brushing my teeth. Steve called to me with these words: "UBL is dead." I put off going to bed, and starting watching the breaking news with Steve. Ironically, we watched while completing a large puzzle of the New York City's famous skyline.

My initial reaction was 98% interest with a smattering of shock. As I watched celebration break out in the streets, I felt discomfort. Did I feel a touch of relief? Yes. Did I ponder thoughts of justice? Yes. Did I wonder about UBL's place in eternity? Yes. Did I lose any sleep last night? No.

This morning I jumped on FB to take in the chatter, and I found myself disturbed. The responses were all over the board from friends whom I greatly respect. There was everything from, "Do you think I like to see wicked people die? says the Sovereign Lord. Of course not! I want them to turn from their wicked ways and live!" Ezekiel 18:23 (NLB)" to "Usama Bin Laden now in hell" to "USA, USA, USA!" As a human, I felt disturbed by my own pleasure in knowing a wicked man is now dead. As a Christian, I felt disturbed by the battle raging within me - questioning how Christ would respond were He a human living here and now on earth. 

We are human, but by the power of Christ in us, there is potential for so much more. It is in these moments, when our humanity is raw, that we have the opportunity to grow and to experience the transformation of Christ. So, what is justice by Godly standards? Does God love UBL any less than me? Is hell God's revenge? Does God take pleasure when wicked people die? Am I any less wicked?

I prayed to hear from God today; to hear from Him regarding a response that is pleasing to Him. Late this afternoon, I read this:

My face is shining upon you, beaming out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded by a sea of problems, but you are face to Face with Me, your Peace. As long as your focus is on Me, you are safe. If you gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will sink under the weight of your burdens.... The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking waves in the distance.... I am always with you, helping you face today's waves (Young, 2004, January 15).

 Young, Sarah (2004). Jesus calling: Enjoying peace in his presence. Kindle Edition: Thomas Nelson.

There is so much on this earth that makes no sense - not the least of which is the battle between good and evil. My faith in God points me to seek Him more than trying to understand the craziness around me. So today, in the midst of conflicting human emotions, I choose to seek God's face, rather than celebrating death, propagating hatred, or enjoying human revenge. Eternity is God's, as is life/death, love, and justice.

Hi!

I know it has been awhile - a long while - since I have posted. The past days, weeks, and months have been great, yet exhausting. I've been immersed in a new job and community, and in helping the family to cope with change after change. And now, it is hard to believe that the boys have less than 20 school days remaining of their 5th and 7th grade years. I am so proud of them both: They are conquering a common fear - fear of change!

Knowing that it would be the hardest year of their lives to date, I prayed that this life change would give them confidence. Confidence in knowing that their world could be rocked, and they could find a new normal. I also prayed that their faith would be strengthened in the process. While I can not fully measure the outcomes of these prayers, I know that God is faithfully walking beside both T and T. I am exceedingly thankful!

In my readings of late, I've consistently found reference to a classic daily devotional book entitled, "Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence" by Sarah Young. After the title came up more times than I can recall, I finally purchased it on my Kindle (Oh, how I love my Kindle!). This little classic is a must-have, and I don't recommend with such absoluteness very often!

My lack of blogging may be attributed to high stress in the midst of change, or general fatigue from the daily grind and life's uncertainties, or a bit of spiritual emptiness. I am not greatly bothered by stress, fatigue, or uncertainty, but I am slightly bothered by signs of spiritual emptiness. Young writes, "Do not be ashamed of your emptiness. Instead, view it as the optimal condition for being filled with My Peace" (January 14). Further along in the same entry, Young reflects, "Rejoice in the relief of being fully understood."

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for your indescribable peace! Thank you for knowing us better than we know ourselves. Amen.

2nd Verse & Some Heavy Processing

It's almost February 1st, and I haven't even shared my January 15th verse! So here it is, from memory:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road; when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:5-7, NIV).

Okay, I had to look it up and edit a few words....

I am drawn to these verses because of the "Impress them on your children" portion. My boys are 13 and nearly 11. Between adolescence, pre-adolescence, and our major life transition, our family life is rocky right now. Most days I feel like a parental failure - and I don't say that because I want to bunch of people to validate me. Parenting is the toughest role I've ever held, and it is the most valuable role I've even been given.

More than anything in this world, I want my sons to know God, and to follow hard after Him. There are no guarantees. I work with people every day who make bad decisions - with and without God. I see my own kids in some of their eyes, and I grieve - both for the individual, and for his/her parents. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch adult (or adolescent) children fail or struggle because of poor personal decisions. It makes my insides quiver if I think about it too long.

Parenting - from pre-conception to death - is a out of our earthly control. Children of good parents make messes just like children of poor parents overcome. I must rely on prayer - lots of prayer; setting an intentional life example; giving daily guidance - with and without their realizing it; deep faith in God; and immeasurable grace - towards my boys, from my boys, and from God. The future is unknown, and I can't control every thought, action, and choice of my children. I can't transform the influence of culture - though I certainly attempt to compensate for it every day. The daily concerns are overwhelming at times, and I think it is only going to grow more complex over the next 8+ years. Memories of the last 13 years feel like a walk in the park! Am I depressing anyone, yet?

For all of these reasons, Deuteronomy 6:5-7 helps me focus and gives me strength. My children are a gift from God to Steve and me. I trust that He is equipping us to handle their unique needs - even when I don't feel strong enough for the job. These verses remind me how impressionable they are, and I pray that what I share at home, in the car, in the morning, and in the evening will be transformed by Holy Spirit into a language that speaks Truth to their hearts - whether or not I do it perfectly by my (or another's) standards.

Parenting - wow - what a trip!

Home Tour

A couple of friends asked that I post pictures of our new home. I am just so excited to be in a permanent place that I am happy to appease.... I am not a photographer, and I really don't have much interest in improving the skills that I lack. For my mom's sake, I have to add that every element in these pictures is not perfect.... She left the house in perfect condition yesterday, and I should have quickly taken pictures within minutes of their departure, but I waited 24+ hours. :)

Interestingly, my parents sold their house a year ago, and have been living in a motor home with their belongings in storage. We could not bring all of our belongings in the size of moving truck we chose to rent. Since my parents are just a day's drive away, they brought some of their furniture and appliances to temporarily replace the items we left in Ohio.

I am standing at the front door in the first three pictures. The entry is in the living room with the kitchen straight ahead, and the dining area is adjacent. The china on the buffet is my mom's wedding china; she gave it to me at my wedding. It is called "Charming Barbara." Ha!

Our "coffee table" was once our kitchen table - just as it had been for my parents and paternal grandparents. In HGTV style, we cut the legs and created a coffee table.

This is directly to the right of the front door. These windows face the front of the house. We're training Mandy to use the chair with the towel when she looks out of these windows.

Everyone is happy to be settled - even Mandy.

This furniture is cool - because it is Steve's grandparents. We retrieved it from the attic of Steve's parents' home. Because the living room, dining room, and kitchen are all connected, I've gone back to my original grape-flavored decor.

This is one of my favorite features of the house, and I plan on having my morning, afternoon, and evening coffee here with my Bible study, blogs, books, or whatever. It is also homework central, and it will likely be our main spot for snacks and dinner. I've always wanted a "breakfast bar" area.

This is looking from the breakfast bar towards the master bedroom, laundry room, and main floor 1/2 bath.

And this is looking the opposite direction towards the dining/living areas.

Another favorite feature of the house - a pantry!!!! So excited to have a pantry!

The very large 1/2 bath - wasted space in my opinion - but it turned out cute with this piece of furniture. This piece was in my bedroom as a very young child.

The master bedroom. It is smallish compared to others in many houses of this age, as is the master bath. We don't have a soaker tub, which is also common in this type of house. I gladly gave up these features... no biggie.

I love this little corner of the room! The chair has been re-covered, but I remember it from my earliest days. The dresser is from Steve's mom's childhood bedroom. We have another dresser in this room - that is not pictured - from my paternal grandparents. I am so glad that we were able to inherit furniture from both of our families - a benefit of living in both Ohio and the Northwest. They just don't make furniture like they used to.... ;)

This is a walk-in closet adjacent to the master bathroom. I heart it very much!

The laundry is between the master bedroom and the kitchen on the main floor. I am soooo thankful to have it conveniently located! Me, full laundry baskets, and flights of stairs are a dangerous combination!! The door goes into the garage. Not many newish houses in Nampa have basements, but many have three-car garages. Our third bay is labeled "the basement" - for a few more years, anyway.

Just another view for perspective sake: laundry on the left, master bedroom straight ahead, 1/2 bath on the right.

Front door with the stairs going up on the right.

Second floor bonus room (i.e., family room, game room, rec room, sports room, the place to display Steve, Tanner, and Tyler's sports collections). The Cleveland Indians are featured on this wall.

Ohio State, the Cleveland Browns, and the Cincinnati Bengals are featured on the opposite wall, as well as Tyler's team of the choice: The Arizona Cardinals (he always has to be different.).

Ty's room.

Tan-Man's room. He made that funny-looking thing on the wall at school last year. I can't believe it survived the move, but I love it!

From the top of the stairs, one end of the second floor is the boys' rooms, bathroom, and the bonus room. The other end is the guest room, bath, and office. This picture is looking towards the guest room and office.

Turn around, and these are the boys' rooms.

The bonus room with another shrine dedicated to Ohio sports.... Slider's happy to be out of the box!

The Tracht Wall of Fame.

The guest room. My parents furnished this room, as they are our most frequent guests. The bed set is the same one my parents had as newlyweds. The quilts are over a hundred years old; I think they are from my dad's side, but I can't remember.... Funny thing is that this room looks just like my parents' guest room that I stayed in for all of those summer 3-week trips to Oregon while we lived in the Midwest/East.... deja-vu!

The desk is from my set as a little girl-teenager.

The office. Again, my parents' office furniture.... It might as well be here as in a storage unit!

The guest bath - had to add a picture of it cause our friends and family are WELCOME to visit!!

I am too cold to take pictures from the outside - maybe I'll add some of those in the spring or summer.

Thanks for visiting our home tour!! We are so blessed by your prayers during this past year as we have made such a significant transition. Moving into our permanent residence feels good, but we still have our Ohio home to sell. It is currently off-the-market, though we'll likely put it back on soon. A recent MVNU grad is renting it, and we are thankful for that provision. God knows who needs that home, and we are anxiously awaiting His revelation towards that end.

SSMT - January 1, 2011

Once again, I am joining Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team (SSMT). You can read about here. I would love for all of my friends to join; it is life changing!! My first verse of the year is this:

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 13:18-19 (NIV).

This verse is meaningful to me as I begin the new year because so much is new in my life. I have several painful memories from the past few years. These former things are a part of the impetus for the changes we are living, I am tired of pondering those memories. I am ready to move forward. Nampa is considered a "high desert," and the way that the Lord is making for me and my family here is filled with hope. He is doing a new thing; I see it!!