Don't Shoot Yourself In the Foot

This week I am "blogging for books." When given the opportunity to review Shaunti Feldhahn's newest release, I jumped at the chance. She is one of my favorites! Shaunti's strength is in her use of analytical skills to interpret research and develop practical theory. As one who appreciates an academic perspective without  academic jargon, I pour over Feldhahn's work. The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace did not disappoint. I find myself pondering (and applying) Feldhahn's research results daily.

While reading The Male Factor, I had to remind myself of the book's purpose. I do not have to agree the unwritten rules and secret beliefs of men at work, but I desire to be aware of these rules and secrets in order to build my interpersonal skills accordingly. Feldhahn writes:

 "Just because certain expectations exist in the workplace doesn't mean we have to meet them, or allow them to pressure us into a course that is demonstrably not right for us" (p. 201).

Feldhahn's purpose is to inform, and to offer some basic advice in regards to male - female interactions in the workplace. I find that the foundation of her work - high quality research with a nationally representative  sample of over 1500 men - lends invaluable credibility to the message. She is not reporting her opinion; Feldhahn is reporting the results of her research that spans 8 years of collection and analysis. The resulting message is powerful!

I am not a corporate ladder climber, so why do I care about Feldhahn's message in The Male Factor? I care because experiences in the workplace frustrate me.... At times, these experiences even flabbergast me! As I read this book, new levels of awareness hit me over and over again. The bottomline is: Men and women think, act, expect, respond, relate, work differently. So, whether I am in the home interacting with my husband and sons, at a volunteer meeting in the elementary school, leading a small group for church, or working for pay, the more understanding I have towards the differences between men and women, the more effective (and efficient) I will become in these roles - including my role in the workplace.

What surprised me the most in reading The Male Factor? Men's beliefs about incorporating one's personal world with one's work world were eye-opening. Feldhahn calls them "the laws of gravity" because these beliefs "govern the working world" for men. At this point, I must insert that Feldhahn frequently recognizes that not ALL men hold these beliefs, but the research speaks for itself in identifying the belief system of MOST men in the American workplace. Back to the "laws of gravity" (p. 62-78):

• One Can Never Take Things Personally
• You Essentially Become Your Position
• One Doesn't Make Business Decisions Based on Personal Factors
• Get Business Done Despite Personal Factors
• Emotions in the Workplace Have to Be Related to Business
• Conflicts Are Task-Specific and Should Never Carry Over and Become Grudges

In a nutshell, for men, the catch-phrase is "It's just business," according to Feldhahn, and women who are not aware of these laws often unknowingly "shoot themselves in the foot."

Will everyone agree with Feldhahn's research results and subsequent theories? Not a chance. Have I been positively changed in reading this book? Absolutely! I highly value interpersonal growth and maturity. The Male Factor is guiding me towards new shoots of growth. I highly recommend the book!

To purchase this book, go here or here.
To read more, visit the book's website here.

This book was provided for review by Waterbrook Multnomah.

How Do I Know God is at Work?

When it comes to being a wife and mother, I do not feel like I am a particularly strong example. I am adequate, but I make lots of mistakes and I have some regrets. This weekend at the retreat, Shaunti Feldhahn spoke about the differences between males and females, as well as how our culture impacts those differences in all types of relationships. Marriage is clearly the most intense relationship between man and woman, but male/female relationships in parenting and work are also important to consider. Because I was coordinating the event, I did not have the energy to take notes during the sessions - I just sat back and absorbed all that I could at the time. I plan on re-reading Shaunti's books because I believe they are packed with God's Truth, and I believe they closely relate with the journey He is taking me on right now.

As I was decompressing from the weekend's activities and processing the weekend's message, I came across several internet commentaries of people who are against Shaunti's message. This is certainly not surprising because (1) her message is extremely counter-cultural, and (2) it is Biblically based. Additionally, Shaunti's message is founded on strong scientific research. In my academic studies, I have found numerous counter-cultural messages that are scientifically based, yet these are not the studies one hears about in the mainstream media. I find that interesting and disturbing, but not completely surprising. As I feel led, I may have opportunities to share some examples of this on the blog.

On Sunday, Pastor Glenn referenced the following scripture in Acts. It is ahead of where I am currently reading, but it fits perfectly with the weekend's processing.... Acts17:16 reads that Paul "was deeply troubled by all the idols he saw everywhere in the city" (NLT). Idols are in many things. The most obvious relate to material possessions, but all we have to do is take a close look at our very own priorities to identify potential idols. Sometimes my desire to be right or be understood is an idol in my life; sometimes comfort is an idol for me; and sometimes simply having my own way is an idol. Without even knowing it, our beliefs about what we need or deserve, based on cultural shaping, are our idols.

As I read the comments of others in regards to why they thought Shaunti's message was wrong, I was amazed by how people misread her message. Yet, again and again, I am struck by the realization that in order to know Truth, we must be in relationship with Truth. Without a focused relationship with Christ that earnestly seeks Truth, the power of our culture will overpower our understanding of Truth.

This is Spring Break week, so the boys and I are home hanging out together just like the good old days prior to Kindergarten. I feel like I do not get enough opportunities to share my faith with them in words or lessons, though I pray my daily actions and lifestyle will speak Truth into their lives. I am sometimes concerned for their spiritual growth because we do not often have in depth conversations about Jesus. While I occasionally see glimples of spiritual fruit in their lives, it is not often enough for me. This morning while they were creating clay army tanks and bombs, I asked them if I could recite some of my memory verses to them for practice sake. They hesitantly agreed and it lead to some great dialogue.

The first verse I shared was 2 Timothy 1:6-8:

"This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gifts God gave you when I laid my hands upon you. God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord.... With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the proclaimation of the Good News" (NLT).

Even as the phrase, "be ready to suffer with me," came out of my mouth, I knew Tanner would ask about its meaning. As a result, I had the wonderful opportunity to share about why Christians must be prepared to suffer. We talked a bit about end times and the need to know Jesus and scripture with more fervance than our culture (in their language, of course). We talked about the antichrist and the triumph of Truth - all while they were building tanks and bombs out of clay.... When the brief conversation concluded, I thanked God for the opportunity to connect with my sons on a spiritual level. All of this was a result of my commitment to memorize some scripture in 2009. Hmmm - This is how I know God is at work.

Truth + Culture = ???

My heart is full to overflowing today! Shaunti Feldhahn spoke at the women's event I coordinated this weekend - I absorbed some transformational information! It was a tremendous occasion that I will not soon forget. Wow - it will take me some time to process everything! Hmmm, where to start....

I guess I will start with how Shaunti's writings influenced me prior to the conference this weekend. I read For Women Only several years ago and found it interesting; later I completed the Bible study based on the book. At the time, I thought it was great information and I've attempted to apply part of the guidance in my marriage. I read Shaunti's two fiction books last summer. These titles are The Lights on 10th Street and The Veritas Conflict. Interestingly enough, the fictional books had an enormous impact on my thinking - particularly The Veritas Conflict.

I started reading Veritas about the same time I started my graduate ethics course for psychology. Among other things, I learned about the philosophical foundations of professional ethics. Normative ethics is one area of study which can be further delineated to three major ethical theories: utilitarianism, deontological, and natural law. "Each of these theories explicates a unique method that people can follow to determine how they ought to act in a given situation" (Lloyd & Hansen, 2003, p. 28). Ethics are rooted in a philosophy (or more than one); and it is necessary to understand one's philosophy prior to making ethical judgments.

Since most of you are neither looking for a lecture on ethics nor philosophy, and since I'm not an expert in either, I am going to cut to the chase here and focus on the theory of natural law. Natural law ethics considers God as Creator of the earth and God as the One with a plan. In a nutshell, God provides a basis for right and wrong; humans need God to know right and wrong; and humans need Godly motivation and guidance to choose right. I choose to make judgment calls on situations I face based on a personal relationship with Christ and the revelation He provides within this intimate relationship. To do this, I must believe Him and receive Him all the time.

Back to Veritas, the main character is a young woman entering college for the first time. As a believer, she is faced with rigid opposition to her faith in God for the first time. The novel chronicles her experiences in the classroom and how she learns to effective apply her Godly philosophy in a secular environment. Also, the novel is a spiritual thriller in that it incorporates the idea of how the spirit-world may be interacting with real people in real time. Anyway, I was mesmerized by the process Shaunti presented for engaging in a debate. After dining with Shaunti Thursday night, I asked her permission to share this process.

1. Get analytical and determine the assumptions behind the statement or question (these may be spoken or unspoken). Do not answer the question until you know the assumption.
2. Question the assumption by working backwards to find an intellectual inconsistency.
3. Provide a logical, yet ridiculously extreme conclusion.
4. Always speak the Truth in love.

This is the process I attempted to use in my February 27th blog entitled "Help, I'm Stuck in a Pit." I know it is a process that takes practice. As I read about this process in Veritas, I actually took notes - from a work of fiction! That is some transformational fiction reading, my friends!

Believers in Christ receive revelation from God in relationship with Him. Truth is unknown and is misunderstood by those who are not seeking God and not in relationship with Him.

Enter culture.

Culture is all that is around us influencing our belief systems; our interpretations of what is normal, acceptable, and ethical. The application of God's Truth in every day living has always been counter-culture; however, because the USA was founded on Christian values, and because these values have slowly eroded, many Christians in America have been lulled to sleep. They have ceased seeking God's Truth falsely thinking it is unnecessary, and/or they have mixed God's Truth with cultural relevance creating a new version of truth that is not reflective of God's Truth.

Shaunti Feldhahn applies this phenomenon to the differences between how men and women think and act. Shaunti is an analyst - not a psychologist or counselor. She is bringing practical applications of credible scientific research to the average person in laymen's terms. Let me tell you: Shaunti's message is extremely counter cultural. This weekend my eyes were further opened to the deceit of our culture and its impact on me and my family. The deceit is evident at every turn - from the home to the church to business, media, and education.

The deception of the devil should come as no surprise. Our response to it should be the focus here. If we ignore the deceit, then our homes, marriages, families, and children will continue to be destroyed. Jesus instructed believers to always be ready for His second coming. To ignore the deceit our culture is engaging in is to leave people unprepared for Jesus' arrival.

How should we respond? We must first voraciously seek God's Truth. Then, we must know God's Truth better than our culture. And finally, we must apply God's Truth in relationship with one another. This weekend inspired me to do this first and foremost in my home with my husband and my sons. I must also seek, know, and apply God's Truth in my work among college students. And, I can not stop the flood of words and ideas pouring from my mind. The enemy and his deception is much closer than we often believe, but the enemy does not seek to be recognized as such, so we must be actively vigilent. Keep seeking, my friends!

"You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31b-32, NLT).