2nd Verse & Some Heavy Processing

It's almost February 1st, and I haven't even shared my January 15th verse! So here it is, from memory:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road; when you lie down and when you get up (Deuteronomy 6:5-7, NIV).

Okay, I had to look it up and edit a few words....

I am drawn to these verses because of the "Impress them on your children" portion. My boys are 13 and nearly 11. Between adolescence, pre-adolescence, and our major life transition, our family life is rocky right now. Most days I feel like a parental failure - and I don't say that because I want to bunch of people to validate me. Parenting is the toughest role I've ever held, and it is the most valuable role I've even been given.

More than anything in this world, I want my sons to know God, and to follow hard after Him. There are no guarantees. I work with people every day who make bad decisions - with and without God. I see my own kids in some of their eyes, and I grieve - both for the individual, and for his/her parents. I can't imagine how hard it is to watch adult (or adolescent) children fail or struggle because of poor personal decisions. It makes my insides quiver if I think about it too long.

Parenting - from pre-conception to death - is a out of our earthly control. Children of good parents make messes just like children of poor parents overcome. I must rely on prayer - lots of prayer; setting an intentional life example; giving daily guidance - with and without their realizing it; deep faith in God; and immeasurable grace - towards my boys, from my boys, and from God. The future is unknown, and I can't control every thought, action, and choice of my children. I can't transform the influence of culture - though I certainly attempt to compensate for it every day. The daily concerns are overwhelming at times, and I think it is only going to grow more complex over the next 8+ years. Memories of the last 13 years feel like a walk in the park! Am I depressing anyone, yet?

For all of these reasons, Deuteronomy 6:5-7 helps me focus and gives me strength. My children are a gift from God to Steve and me. I trust that He is equipping us to handle their unique needs - even when I don't feel strong enough for the job. These verses remind me how impressionable they are, and I pray that what I share at home, in the car, in the morning, and in the evening will be transformed by Holy Spirit into a language that speaks Truth to their hearts - whether or not I do it perfectly by my (or another's) standards.

Parenting - wow - what a trip!

Looking Back - Looking Forward

I'll be honest - I haven't had much time to think about either 2010 or 2011. Most of 2010 was given to transition: thinking about the possibility of moving; sending resumes and cover letters; waiting for responses; interviewing; thinking about the reality of moving; saying many, many good-byes; moving; a new job; temporary housing times 2; new schools; a new church; new friends; house hunting; moving again; and just this week, getting settled into a new neighborhood. I am exhausted in many ways, and just as excited about the future in numerous other ways. 2010 will be remembered as a year of transition with a high level of uncertainty and stress. At the same time, 2010 will also be remembered as a year filled with many blessings. Our family is maturing (sort of); we have jobs; health care; and provision for all of life's necessities, plus more.

My friend, Robin, inspired me to consider one word for 2011. I believe my word is RELATIONSHIP. My lack of personal connectedness in recent years has really worn on me. In 2011, I plan to be more intentional in building connectedness with Steve, Tanner, and Tyler. I also plan to be more intentional in seeking relationship with new families, couples, and girl friends. Oh, how I miss laughing 'til in hurts, and deep discussions into the night, and sharing tears of sadness and happiness. Finally, I want to help my boys find depth of friendship in Nampa - especially Tanner. I would love your prayers on his behalf.

A second area of focus for 2011 is scripture memory. Some of you may remember my goal for 2009 - to memorize 2 pieces of Scripture a month for one year (I completed the goal, BTW). This focal point is based on a movement of women on Beth Moore's blog. This goal changed my life in 2009, and I look forward to experiencing God through memorizing His Word in 2011. Tomorrow is January 1, and I am awaiting His guidance in choosing my first piece to memorize....

Finally, I continue to grow in the area of healthy living, cravings, choices, and discipline. I made progress in 2010, but I have some mental and spiritual work ahead of me in 2011. I will begin by reading and participating in Lysa TerKuerst's "Made To Crave" book, participant guide, web casts, etc. The subtitle is "Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God Not Food" which pretty much sums up this area of my life. I love Lysa - she is real, she is Godly, she is funny! She sent me a copy of her manuscript for this book, and she quoted my blog, but I don't know if I made the editorial cut. I need to read the book to find out - ha!

Well, that about does it. I've shared what's on my mind as 2010 comes to a close. It was a good year - albeit a challenging one. I love new beginnings, so 2011 holds great hope in my heart. May God bless you, my dear friends who share this journey!