Righteous, Baby!

The word "righteousness" is not popular word. Some people have done great things for righteousness sake, but others have acted out really horrible things for righteousness sake. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) describes Joseph as a righteous man, but not in the way I might immediately think....

When Joseph first heard of Mary's condition, he intended to quietly leave her - this was considered righteous by a literal reading of the law. After Joseph heard a word from God regarding Mary and the baby she carried, he disobeyed the law and married her. "Joseph's righteousness led him to ignore the clear teaching of the law. What does this tell us about the New Testament definition of righteousness" (Hamilton, 2011)?

Open-mindedness to these ideas inspire me to avoid quick, judgmental attitudes towards those who think differently from me - in any direction. How might God be working? Might He be working in ways that are not immediately evident to me? Might He work in ways that I do not understand? Might He work in ways that I disagree with? Based on the Biblical account of Christ's birth, it is likely!

Another gift from Christmas '97 that I hold dear to my heart!

Doubt at Christmas

Doubt is not a common theme at Christmas. I like the way Adam Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) compares Joseph with "Doubting Thomas" upon hearing Mary's news:

Joseph was the first person in the Gospel who doubted; he might be considered (with "Doubting Thomas") the patron saint of doubters.

Interesting. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) also remarks that "doubt is not the enemy of faith; it is often the doorway to a deeper faith." Even more interesting.

For better or for worse, I am not a doubter. It is fairly easy for me to believe in Spiritual things that I can not see, or fully understand. Yet, I yearn for a deeper faith. Hamilton (The Journey, 2011) suggests that we may overcome doubt by "remain(ing) open to possibilities." I think the same is true for people who, like me, find faith in God rather easy. The "doorway to a deeper faith" for me is remaining open-minded to the possibilities. God is not finished with humanity. He continues to influence humanity, and teach us His truth. It is not that His truth is changing, BUT it could be that as He continually reveals His truth, WE are changing.

I have added this ornament to a Christmas tree for as long as I can remember. Raggedy Ann has nothing to do with doubt - she is just a Christmas memory.... :-)

More Christmas Pondering

We've made Christmas beautiful and busy. Not all bad, but not all good. The beautiful part is nice - warm memories, emotion-filled music, pretty decor, thoughtful gifts for/from special people. Like the history of many nice things, humanity steals the joy and adds excess until we are warped. This phenom is not just about Christmas. It is about nearly everything, including our ideas of what is right and good. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with how screwed up we all are in our thinking and acting - each of us in our unique way, of course.

As an example, Adam Hamilton writes (The Journey: A Season of Reflections, 2011):

When Matthew tells Jesus' genealogy he lists two prostitutes and an adulteress, women who were outsiders....

If tradition is correct, Mary's family lived in the cheapest form of affordable housing at that time: a cave. Mary's village was considered of 'no account.' But it was precisely here that God...

Even by today's standards, these examples not pretty, perfect, or glamorous. Why do we equate "the good life" with beauty, perfection, and comfort?

I love this nativity - it is rough and imperfect!

Why do we work so hard to be "happy," or to ensure our kids are happy? to be "successful," or to make our kids successful? If we believe anything about God, we believe he acts unexpectedly:

God routinely chooses the humble and the least expected in and through whom he might do his greatest work (Hamilton, 2011).

Shouldn't we be searching for God in the unexpected? Shouldn't we be acting in unexpected ways? Shouldn't we be considering ideas that are unconventional - whatever our particular convention of thought might be right now? Might not God use us in unexpected ways, if we look for Him in our discomfort, our imperfections, our ugliness - again whatever defines our discomfort, imperfections, and ugliness? I don't know about you, but my discomforts, imperfections, and ugliness vary, but they never completely leave me. My Christmas ponderings are leading me to embrace them, rather than avoid them.

Please God, help me to to embrace
Your ideas  with open-mindedness; 

release me from the ideas of this world
that paralyze me.

Christmas Memories and Ponderings

There is a plethora (I learned that word in high school playing Balderdash) of Christmas devotional guides available these days. At least 2 good ones were available for free via Amazon for Kindle this year. I chose Adam Hamilton's The Journey: A Season of Reflections. Hamilton is the pastor of a United Methodist church in Kansas City. His teaching is thought-provoking, and I need to be thought-provoked to feel alive, even it is uncomfortable at times. The Journey is not disappointing. I hope to share a few of my thoughts in the coming days. This first Christmas post (There may actually be more than one....) is not directly related, but it is a place my heart goes every Christmas.

Advent is a time of preparing; an expectant time of year. My favorite Christmas of all time was the Christmas I was expectant with our first baby. It was rich with wonder and dreams; with preparing and with expectancies of all things unknown in the gift of parenthood. We were living in Kansas City - far from family, but our life was relationship rich. Tanner's actual due date was December 25 (my hope was for a late arrival). Steve's job included time off for Christmas. As he wrapped up his last day, we settled in to wait out our last few days of being married without children. Several of our closest friends were expectant with us awaiting their firstborns in December 1997.

Mark and Sherry Evilsizors's home was our home away from home. They chose to stay in KC for the holiday to settle in with us, and wait out the arrival of Tracht Baby #1. We spent many hours (and I mean MANY HOURS) playing Nerts over the holidays. Each night as we would leave their home, I'd struggle to get my swollen feet back into my shoes - eventually Mark just loaned me his slippers. We sat in narrow wooden dining room chairs to play Nerts. Moving the game around the living room recliner to suit my comfort was offered, but I refused with visions of Gilbert Grape. As I decorate for Christmas each year, I relive the Christmas of 1997 - especially when I hang this ornament, a gift from Sherry:

The Christmas of 1997 was indeed special! It was the year we became The Tracht Family. Family is Christmas. For me, I know Christ more intimately because of family. The goods, the bads, the beautiful, and the ugly are represented in family - in my family of origin, in my immediate family of 4, in my family of God....

The Battle to Engage

I believe the Lord has brought together a unique group of moms to participate in a small group. I am so very thankful for this gift of community. This morning I thought about preparing an email for this group, but tonight I decided to write my thoughts in this forum.

As I have pondered the lessons in our Bible study on raising boys, I have come to realize how much of my parenting is based on fear right now. It is has not always been this way, and I don't really know how I ended up in this spot. But, here I am feeling fearful and anxious. Mothering a 13 year old and an 11 year old are certainly part of the equation, but the fear that I feel has greater depth. I am lacking trust in God.

This isn't the first time that I have lacked trust in my adult life. I can recall a time when my boys were toddlers that I struggled to trust. It was during that time that the Lord gave me this scripture, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" 2 Chronicles 20:15b (NIV). God also guided me to relinquish my control in the battle, but I did still have a role to play. He told me to simply "Engage." Just engage, and let Him be the commander.

Well, I am back in that spot; that spot where I want so desperately to control! God has clearly spoken, and that control is not mine to own. He is the Commander, and he will control. I simply need to engage and trust. Engage with my growing boys, and trust that God will provide, protect, and lead us.

To my community of moms, "March on, my soul(s); be strong" (Judges 5:21b), and engage!

The Honeymoon is Over!

The honeymoon is over... and that's not all bad. There is a philosophy that says: If you are not challenged by all that is on your plate, then you probably aren't doing much to advance the kingdom of God (or something like that...). Suffice it to say - I am definitely challenged! I am challenged by home and family, I am challenged by my work, I am challenged spiritually, I am challenged by nearly everything in my midst. I am digging this Idaho fall weather, though!

Here are some of my thoughts about challenges:

I have worked/volunteered for more than a dozen not-for-profits in some form or fashion. None of them have been perfect. When you dig in deep enough, every place that is filled with people is quite dysfunctional at some level. The challenge is not in finding a perfect place, but in diligently working purposefully amongst the dysfunction - be it big, or be it small.

I have learned that I really don't function well amidst of controversy. Yet, controversy is everywhere! I am learning how to embrace only the controversy that affects my the God-given purpose within an organization, or within a relationship. If I have the opportunity to impact the controversy in a positive manner, then it is a part of my God-given purpose (even if that means confrontation). It is extremely defeating for me to hear more than I am equipped to handle. So, I am learning how to step back and carefully (wisely, by the grace of God) choose my place in the midst of controversy.

Some folks thrive within controversy. It's not too hard to spot these kinds of folks because they always have a controversy to share. Oftentimes their stories are intriguing... because information is power, isn't it? Or is it? Power, when fueled by lack of wisdom and discernment, is destructive. This kind of power is easy, and it spreads fast... kind of like a poison.

God knows that I have something good to offer this world, and so do you. The evil one also knows this truth. The evil one uses our weaknesses to advance his purposes. Oh, how I want to steer clear of that kind of influence.

My prayer for 2011 is shaping up via the portions of Scripture that I have felt led to memorize:

"O Lord, listen to my cry; give the discerning mind you promised" (Psalm 119:169). Thank you for reminding me that "the battle is not (mine), but (yours)" (2 Chronicles 20:15b). To allow Your leadership in battle, I must "fix my eyes on (You), the author and perfecter of (my) faith" (Hebrews 12:2). So, "when You said, 'Seek my face,' my heart said to You, 'Your face, Lord, I will seek" (Psalm 27:8)!

I know, Lord, that "we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7), and that Your "grace is sufficient for (me), for (Your) power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). In my weakness, thank you for reminding me that "words kill, (and) words give life; they're either poison or fruit." You give me the power to choose (Proverbs 18:21). Because of the choices you give me, I am able to "march on (and) be strong" (Judges 5:21b)! And you are my strength; You make "my feet like the feet of deer, (You) enable me to tread on the heights" (Habakkuk 3:19). You keep from following the draw of popular culture - the draw that leads to slavery (Acts 7:39).

Thank You for Your word! It is a "lamp for my feet, and a light for my path" (Psalm 119: 105). It is my hope - "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His Word" (Psalm 130:5). You are "the king over all kings and the master of all masters" (1 Timothy 6:15).Because of You, I can "forget the former things" (Isaiah 43:18-19), and I can "impress (your commandments) on (my) children" (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). I can grow in faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, Godliness, brotherly kindness, and love (2 Peter 1:5-9). It is only through You, that Your children will find unity. And, it is through unity that the world will know You (John 17:23). Your kingdom, God, is near, but it can not be observed as a place. Your kingdom is within me, Your child (Luke 17:20-21).

Amen.

But God....

Today I worshiped God in the church where I was raised - Centralia, WA First Naz. It's impossible to visit Centralia without reminiscing! Now that I am the parent of a teen, my mind was racing during church - while I was trying to concentrate, of course ;) I sat with Bev McClendon - the mom of one of my high school BFs. She introduced me to people as her "adopted daughter." Ha! As I pondered the past, and as I hugged the folks who've encouraged me and supported me through the years, I clearly realized:

It is not perfect parents, perfect friends, perfect churches, perfect pastors, perfect teachers, perfect communities, or perfect ANYTHINGS that produce "successful" adults out of strange teenagers. For me, it was largely the result of my parents surrounding me with a bunch of folks who loved me, who mentored me, and who simply cared about me. The church is far from a perfect place, and lots of really bad things occur inside and outside of the church, but God.... I've experienced a whole lot of "but God."

So here I am - in the midst of my first year as the mom of a teen - and I am FULL OF FEAR! Not only is the world a different place, but the life my family is living is very different from the life that I lived. My tendency is to control. I don't want my teen to suffer; I want my teen to be happy. I tend to simply think happiness equals success, but does it really?

As I pondered my youth during church today, I recalled some really tough times - times when I was truly and deeply hurt and unhappy; times when I am certain that my mom was wringing her hands, feeling stressed out that her daughter would survive adolescence as a whole, healthy person. But God.... Others have modeled "but God..." throughout my life, and I have received this truth. Linda Dillow writes:

"God, don't let my pain be wasted. Use it to conform me to Your image. Use it to teach me how to be content" (Calm My Anxious Heart).

I know with absolute certainty that God uses the challenges in my life, rather the comforts of my life, to make me more like Him. My prayer has always been that He would shape my boys to become Godly men with deeply held passions to serve Him in some way. With that prayer, I realized today that I also need to allow them to experience growing pains - just like I did. It stinks, and I really don't like it. The momma bear in me wants to protect and control. But God.... The Christ-follower in me says, "that control was never yours to have, Heidi."

I have learned some keys to successful parenting through the years. Mostly I have learned to love, to give them to God, to love some more, to allow consequences, to allow growing pains, to try really hard NOT to think that I am in control! In this phase of life, I am learning about "But God..." all over again in a whole new way!