Wait for it....

Yesterday and today I have been re-reading pages from my journal. I need a reminder of why we are in the midst of this huge life change. Change is so uncomfortable, and since this particular change appears to revolve around my work, I feel a sense of responsibility for the boys' discomfort (i.e., fears, frustrations, anger....). This move was definitely a joint decision between Steve and me, but I still feel guilty for taking the boys out of their comfort zones at this stage of their lives.

Two specific areas of my journal writing stand out to me. First, much of the outward processing that led to this move began in a small group Bible study that I participated in last summer/fall. Of the 8 women who participated, 3 of us are in the exact same transition today. In July, we moved to Idaho, another family moved to Oklahoma, and a third family moved to Indiana. We studied Esther together by Beth Moore. The following verse will forever be attached to the study and this season of life:

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b

I am not in a royal position, but in response to the question that begs an answer -- GOD KNOWS!!! He knew a year ago, and he knows now. He knows what we really need, and what we simply think we need.... He knows!!! I find great peace in believing that God knows.

Second, on November 28, 2009, I wrote the following:

"I have this impression that You (GOD) are preparing us for something different; something that will require us to step out in faith away from our human security. Lord, I am willing; I seek Your will alone. You know us and this world better than we do at any given time. Lord, I trust You. Guide me step-by-step; show me the way."

I don't share this to make me look good. I share this because we need to share our journeys with God; to learn from one another; to see God working in tangible ways. This move is taking me further from my comfort zone than I had anticipated. Sometimes I look to God with some serious questions - especially when it comes to my kids (and our Ohio house sitting empty). I really do believe.... Oh Lord, help my unbelief.

As I re-read my journal from the past year, God's work is clear. We needed this move, and this job to fulfill His purposes on earth. Why? At this point, who knows!?! ...Wait for it... GOD KNOWS!

This Weekend... I

 

• did not prepare any posts for my blog - even though I have lots of thoughts rambling through this head of mine.
• moved into our "temporary, long-term" house. It is the guest house of a friend, and it is on the most beautiful piece of property! I feel spoiled and blessed!!!
• sent the boys to "Warrior Camp" all day, and into the night, on Saturday. It was a good experience for them, and a nice break for me and my parents.
• visited a church for the third time. We are waiting for a word from the Lord as to where we will land.
• shopped at Costco - love it!!
• took my parents out to lunch at Chapala's - yummers!
• had a slumber party in the previous house on Friday night. All 5 of us (plus the dog) slept in the living room. It was the kids' idea....
• Settled into our new place, and started counting the hours until Steve arrives!!!!!

If you want to participate in "This Weekend... I" go here.

This Weekend I....

In honor of my new friend in real life and in blog world, I am initiating a new tradition on my blog:

This weekend, I....

• can't remember what I did.
• Oh, I worked on Saturday....
• took the boys to a new pizza resturant (everything's new when you move).
• tried a new church.
• played with my dad's new i-phone (and coveted it).
• shopped at Macy's Clearance Center with Tyler in tow (it was a short trip).
• cooked at least twice.
• watched Dateline with the boys and my dad (We all went to bed feeling fearful of Shirley.).
• cleaned the bathroom, finished the laundry, and picked up Mandy's poop in the yard (gag!).
• tried really hard to lift the boys' spirits, but realized it is a task that only God can accomplish.

Have a great week - the last one of July 2010!

A Simple Quote

I haven't had time to blog this week, and Internet service is lacking in my current housing, but here is a quote to consider:

Christians, unfortunately, often talk to themselves. We think in ruts, and express ourselves in a familiar kind of family jargon. Unless we understand the thought- and value-patterns of our day, as well as those of biblical revelation and the Christian community, and unless we speak fluently the language of our contemporaries, we tragically limit our effectiveness (Holmes, 1987, p. 5-6).

Holmes, A.F. (1987). The Idea of a Christian College (Revised Ed.). Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.

Love it - Hate it

Control.... I love having it; I hate needing it. I love being in the midst of lacking control because I know God works mightily in these circumstances. I dislike the feeling of discomfort, but the feeling of hopeful expectancy, while I wait on God, is a good place to be, isn't it? I hate to admit it, but I do stupid things in this state of life: I try to control the uncontrollable, and this never works for long. *Sigh*

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, 

and your ways are not my ways.... 

As heaven is higher than earth, 

so My ways are higher than your ways" 

(Isaiah 55:8-9, HCSB).

Might a House be an Idol?

Kelly Minter’s (2007) No Other Gods is challenging me to uncover my idols – my functional idols, people-gods, any kind of idols. My idols are not necessarily out in the open; it is not easy for me to identify my idols, though I know that I have them. During this season of change, a possible idol I am focusing on is our house. I am not certain this is the idol that God is asking me to focus on; I am processing. Because we are in limbo with our housing, it is a natural area of life for me to consider (or maybe even obsess over).

When we moved to Mount Vernon, Ohio seven years ago, I sensed a promise from the Lord. I believe He led us to spend conservatively on our home, and in return, He promised me contentment. I have never felt as comfortable in a house than at 4 N. Edgewood Road. It was not a perfect house, but it represented the fulfillment of God’s promise to me. From there, we moved to a larger home, in a neighborhood with sidewalks, on a cul-de-sac. It was a pretty house, but I never felt the same level of contentment as with the previous house. Now, we are trying to sell the second house….

Selling is coupled with buying in Nampa. When we buy, we have choices. Do we stretch our budget a bit? Do we buy conservatively? Do we buy with the short-term or the long-term in mind? I don’t want to move again for a long, long time!!!

Minter (2007) parallels giving up our idols with Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22: 1-18. She points out that Abraham did not withhold Isaac; Abraham freely offered Isaac. She says, there is a “difference between letting something go and making it an offering” (p. 116). In the Abraham and Isaac passage, God showed up. As a result, He is known as Jehovah-Jireh, or the Lord who provides. “Provision is part of His nature…. God brought huge blessings on Abraham as a result of his obedience” (p. 117).

As I consider Abraham, I am challenged by Minter (2007) to let go of my expectations; to freely offer my idols related to housing in this transition. In considering this, I am comforted by God’s response to Abraham: He provided for Abraham, and He blessed Abraham. I know this to be true from previous personal experiences, but it is still so un-natural for the human part of me. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief….

The end of the story, sort of.

On several occasions when I was young, I picked up a new book, and read the last page before beginning the first chapter. It was a dumb thing to do! Knowing the conclusion changed the way I read the whole story. Similarly, two discussion topics cause fear to rise within me: end times and death; yet, both topics also intrigue me and give me hope. I know the conclusion, and this knowledge changes me!

I believe in heaven and hell, and I believe in Christ’s second coming to earth to save His people. Neither the finality of death, nor Christ’s Kingdom on earth scares me. In fact, I long for both. My fears are rooted in what will be faced between now and then. Most people do not thrive on pain, discomfort, and persecution. I certainly do not enjoy these attributes of suffering. Pain, discomfort, and persecution are definite aspects of end times, and the first two are likely aspects of death.

As I contemplate my current state of discomfort, and recall similar seasons from the past, I recognize a common theme: I fear what may be faced between weakness and provision. I know God has led us to Idaho, yet I feel uncomfortable with the missing pieces we are facing. Not only is our Ohio house unsold, but no one is even looking at our house. Even though Steve hasn’t started seriously looking for a job in Idaho, he doesn’t have any strong prospects on the table. We are paying rent in Idaho and a house payment in Ohio. I feel discomfort, and I feel a touch of fear relating to the unknown!! Couple this discomfort and fear with the unknowns of what my boys are facing in the transition, and my feelings are multiplied. How does one approach God during these times?

“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna… to teach you that man does not live on bread along but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord… to test you so that in the end it might go well with you (Deuteronomy 8: 3 & 16, NIV).

Kelly Minter (2007) writes:

“The manna was not quite enough…. The Lord put them in this position so they would depend on Him and not on themselves, their provisions, or false gods. He wanted to do them good in the end (p. 103).

I approach God with hopeful expectancy; intrigue in how He will provide; and more dependency than ever! From this perspective, I have a renewed sense of purpose in embracing the discomfort, and in overcoming my fears. Does this make the discomfort go away? No, but believing in the end of the story changes the way I approach each new day.