Wait for it....

Yesterday and today I have been re-reading pages from my journal. I need a reminder of why we are in the midst of this huge life change. Change is so uncomfortable, and since this particular change appears to revolve around my work, I feel a sense of responsibility for the boys' discomfort (i.e., fears, frustrations, anger....). This move was definitely a joint decision between Steve and me, but I still feel guilty for taking the boys out of their comfort zones at this stage of their lives.

Two specific areas of my journal writing stand out to me. First, much of the outward processing that led to this move began in a small group Bible study that I participated in last summer/fall. Of the 8 women who participated, 3 of us are in the exact same transition today. In July, we moved to Idaho, another family moved to Oklahoma, and a third family moved to Indiana. We studied Esther together by Beth Moore. The following verse will forever be attached to the study and this season of life:

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14b

I am not in a royal position, but in response to the question that begs an answer -- GOD KNOWS!!! He knew a year ago, and he knows now. He knows what we really need, and what we simply think we need.... He knows!!! I find great peace in believing that God knows.

Second, on November 28, 2009, I wrote the following:

"I have this impression that You (GOD) are preparing us for something different; something that will require us to step out in faith away from our human security. Lord, I am willing; I seek Your will alone. You know us and this world better than we do at any given time. Lord, I trust You. Guide me step-by-step; show me the way."

I don't share this to make me look good. I share this because we need to share our journeys with God; to learn from one another; to see God working in tangible ways. This move is taking me further from my comfort zone than I had anticipated. Sometimes I look to God with some serious questions - especially when it comes to my kids (and our Ohio house sitting empty). I really do believe.... Oh Lord, help my unbelief.

As I re-read my journal from the past year, God's work is clear. We needed this move, and this job to fulfill His purposes on earth. Why? At this point, who knows!?! ...Wait for it... GOD KNOWS!