Processing.... Part 4

The sense of love and belonging was strong that morning at the graveside, and throughout the day and night. I did not want the feeling to evaporate. Interestingly enough, God had already begun a plan to strengthen our connections.  Back in November, after communicating with several family members via blogging, Facebook, and email, I asked if anyone would be interested in participating in a family book club. Much to my surprise, everyone had some level of interest. As more of us were together for the memorial service, I asked each female family member. Again, much to my surprise, the response was overwhelmingly favorable. With that, we had a plan. A plan that goes far beyond our human expectations, and our abilities to create.

While the above plan is intended for the female family members, God also revealed to me how He working among the whole family. Another cousin, Brian, shared with me how he and his wife, Maggie, are re-connecting with the cousins, aunts, and uncles. They are really enjoying the new found, adult friendships. Chad and Becca shared their desire to carry on the family mission to pray for one another - a mission that my grandpa initiated. They, too, felt energized by Grandpa's memorial service.

The work of God within me that I have been processing for the last month is this: Building adult relationships with my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and ministering to our common need for familial connections is eternally valuable. God made it clear to me - I need to focus on these relationships. Over the years, while living so far from family, I thought that I did not need the connections. My view is changing now, and I am excited! God continues to open doors of connections among us. As I process this new purpose, I feel my heart filling with Godly contentment - a mysterious phenomenon that I have been lacking in recent months.

The significance of this journey continues to play out in the details of my life. There are a few items that I can not share at this point in time. I can testify to a great, renewed sense of urgency in pursuing the knowledge of God, and His plan for my life. His power to impact people is beyond my human ability to plan and understand. I am in awe of God! Saying "Yes!" to God is an exciting ride.

There is no solid ending to this mini-series entitled, "Processing...." It is an ongoing personal journey. My prayer is that by sharing aspects of this walk with God, others will be encouraged to pursue Him with expectancy.

Ecclesiastes 3 (New Living Translation)

A Time for Everything

 ¹ For everything there is a season,
      a time for every activity under heaven.
 ² A time to be born and a time to die.
      A time to plant and a time to harvest.
 ³ A time to kill and a time to heal.
      A time to tear down and a time to build up.
 ⁴ A time to cry and a time to laugh.
      A time to grieve and a time to dance.
 ⁵ A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
      A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
 ⁶ A time to search and a time to quit searching.
      A time to keep and a time to throw away.
 ⁷ A time to tear and a time to mend.
      A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
 ⁸ A time to love and a time to hate.
      A time for war and a time for peace.

 ⁹ What do people really get for all their hard work? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. ¹¹¹² So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. ¹³ And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

 ¹⁴ And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. ¹⁵ What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again.

Processing.... Part 3

When I arrived at the private, family graveside service, my shy side wanted to control me, and I had a quick decision to make. I could either retreat into the quiet, comfortable place inside of me, or I could step out, and engage . In the seconds that I had to process, I knew that shyness would lead to regret, in this situation. As I opened my mind to the idea of engaging, I felt a surge of the Holy Spirit empowering me to outwardly love on all of my family members. I felt a sense of purpose that came directly from God. It was like emerging from a cocoon. These lives that were intricately connected, but separated by miles, and careers, and new families, were together again. It was beautiful!

Throughout the day, I realized how much all of us needed to feel a sense of belonging with our family. We needed each other - I sensed it and so did many others. It was an amazing feeling! To look upon people who seem like strangers, and to feel a deep sense of connection is energizing, and freeing, and Godly. As I am processing, I am seeing that our connection is God-driven and God-honoring. By engaging with one another, we are allowing God to freely move - individually and corporately.

The cemetery was gorgeous and weather was perfect that morning. I tangibly felt God blessing the family. I sensed Grandpa's presence, and his proud approval of this gathering. We were the people he'd invested in for so many years. When his health was failing, we were the people he continuously prayed for every morning. In his final hours, we were the people he most wanted to see in person and speak with over the phone. We were special.

The sense of love and belonging was strong that morning at the graveside, and throughout the day and night. I did not want the feeling to evaporate....

Processing.... Part 2

My cousin, Jill, picked me up from the airport. We met my mom and our grandma in Centralia (my hometown). I spent much of the week with Grandma, Mom, my Uncle Roger and Aunt Monica. I also spent some time with my childhood friend, Christine. I spent the day of Grandpa's memorial service with most of my cousins, aunts, and uncles. And something happened within me.

Looking back at the week as a whole, and at the day of the memorial service in particular, a new purpose sprouted in my soul. As I process, I believe God began this new work in me, and around me, long before I can precisely articulate. God divinely chose the events surrounding my grandpa's passing to reveal it to me more clearly. It is not just about me, though. It is about family, and glorifying God uniquely through family.

I have this unique personality that is sometimes outgoing, and sometimes shy - the side of my personality that shines on any given day is largely related to the circumstances surrounding me. In my shy moments, I miss out on opportunities to experience life more fully. In my outgoing moments, I bulldoze over moments that require a delicate touch. Both sides of my personality have pros and cons; and neither side is perfectly suited to the whole person of me.

When I arrived at the private, family graveside service, my shy side wanted to control me....

Processing.... Part 1

You know that little icon on our computers that lets us know that it is still processing? Some programs even use the word, "Processing...". Well, that describes me to a "T" for the last few months - at least. I am processing so many real life happenings, thoughts in my brain, and actions. It has been exhausting, frustrating, exciting... you name it. Some things I can process aloud for the public to hear, and some things are very private. The fog is starting to lift, and I wanted to share one way that God is working within me.

I was profoundly moved by my grandpa's passing - profoundly. Some may think this is odd because my grandpa was 90 years old, and expected to die. In addition, I have lived half way across the country from him for over 20 years.

Death is a powerful motivator of processing - at any life stage.

I flew to Washington State after his passing in a very weak state of mind. I was discouraged about nearly every aspect of my life - deeply disappointed by lost expectations. And then, I spent 5 days with my extended family....