A New Day!

Today was a new day; the day I began a new study! I love completing Bible studies, and I love beginning a new Bible study.... Today I did both - it was a new day and a good day!

A week ago, I searched Jennifer Rothschild's website in pursuit of my next study. "Walking By Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark" clearly stood out to me as the study I needed. This promo touched my heart and mind:

"Walking by Faith: Lessons Learned in the Dark contrasts the evidences of walking by faith and walking by sight and encourages participants to take risks, give God control, persevere through hardship, receive God's gifts, be guided by the Truth rather than feelings, and seek God."

When I opened the study for the first time this morning, one of my 2009 memory verses was listed on Day 1:

"When my foot is slipping, your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul" (Psalm 94:18-19, NIV).

This discovery gave me chills! The Lord knows and cares for me - an amazing realization! Further along, I read:

"All these people (the faith-walkers in Hebrews 11) were still walking by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that were aliens and strangers on earth" (Hebrews 11:13, NIV).

Oh, how I feel like an alien and a stranger on this earth. I always have.... Rothschild (2003) writes, "Unless we trade our fear for fight, we may never find the treasures hidden in the dark" (p. 11).

Day 1 of this study, led me to my next memory verse, and it speaks to the core of my journey this year. I'll share it within my next entry.... Until then:

"Call out for insight, and
cry aloud for understanding....
Look for it as for silver,
and search for it as for hidden treasure.
Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
and find the knowledge of God"
(Proverbs 2:3-5, NIV).

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood....

It is a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L day in Ohio, friends!! The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I really do not need a coat to be comfortable (I am warm-blooded, though). As a sat in the sunshine this morning, I wrote:

Lord, I want to bathe in Your Word as one would soak in a luxurious tub. "Your Word is Life to Me," and I intend to choose life daily!

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob" (Deuteronomy 30:18-20, NIV).

We've been battling a few things, haven't we? I don't know and understand all the things happening around me, but You Know! Lord, be my commander in battle. Fill me with love and grace to endure as Your daughter -- a princess.

"Who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14, NIV).

"This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's" (2 Chronicles 20:15, NIV).

In response, I felt the Lord impress on my heart:

Carnal desires and needs are upsetting you, Heidi. Look to me for fulfillment and purpose because I define you!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity" (Jeremiah 29:11-14, NIV).

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" (Colossians 3:2, NIV).

With this, my whole outlook changed - Thank You, Jesus!

Defining Moments

"Few of us live in the proactive understanding of the imperative nature of now.
This is your defining moment!"

(Personal Communication, Dan Scarrow, November 8, 2009)

I'm Always Amazed!

It happened again! I've experienced special provisions - seemingly small to most, but quite significant to me. Three years ago, I started a study of Daniel by Beth Moore. I loved it! I still frequently quote passages from those lessons - Babylon is oh so similar to contemporary America. Note that I started the study three years ago, but I never finished the study. About two and a half years ago, I started graduate school - enough said. Grad school took all of my studying skills, so Daniel had to wait!

Today was the day that I picked Daniel back up. Before I continue, let me remind you how eventful the last two months have been for me. School started for the kids, including a new phenomenon called MIDDLE SCHOOL. I started back to work after a summer hiatus (gotta love education), and I started teaching 4 sections of university courses (nearly 70 students). Can you say "first year teacher?" I totally understand that terminology now! Both boys are playing soccer with different practices and games. I am no longer a student, so I have taken up healthy cooking for the family again (my poor guys lived on easy food for 2 years). In the midst of all this, I was battling a war within me for control and significance that.... Let's just say, the Lord was not leading this battle!

In a previous post, I recalled how I hit the breaking point last week. I spewed my frustrations, I cried, I reached the bottom of this particular pit, and I pleaded with the Lord to help me. He answered my plea, and he continues to personally respond to me. Today, I picked up Daniel after a 3 YEAR DELAY, and the messages on the pages were like manna from heaven - made just for today! Based on John 14:12-13, Beth Moore (2006) writes,

"Your life and mine will be well lived and greatly influential if we simply ask God to empower us to do that for which we were created" (p. 159).

You see part of my battle these past months originated from a great disappointment that I experienced. Disappointment led to frustration, frustration led to anger, and anger led to bitterness. I was so unhappy! Satan was using this disappointment to completely blind me from all of the good and Godly things that were happening around me, and even TO ME! As I turned the battle raging within me over to God, He opened my eyes to His work and His purpose for me.

Lord, I know this is a lesson that
I will have to learn over and over again,
but thank you for meeting me
in all of my messiness, and
giving me hope with a purpose.
You always amaze me!

A Source & A Need

There are a few key people, lessons, and activities in my life that have dramatically changed my heart and/or my behavior. One huge area of growth is through Bible study. You know I adore the leadership of Beth Moore. I have also learned so much from several pastors in my life. Third, my mom has been a significant model for my learning from birth to now.

Another source is the inductive, pure Bible study method taught by Anne Graham Lotz. Just today I noticed that her ministry has posted a video of Anne teaching this method. I would highly encourage anyone interested in Bible study to learn from Anne by watching this 30 minute video and following the instructions on the viewing guide.

In addition, pray for me today and tomorrow. I am presenting this topic in one of my classes on Tuesday, October 13th @ 1:50pm. At MVNU, we integrate faith and learning. Spiritual development is vital for academic growth and critical thinking. Will you ask the Lord to minister in my class tomorrow?

Who Knows: A Few Perfectly Timed Reminders

God blessed me this weekend with reminders of His care for me. On Friday night, all four of us went to the movie theater. While there, I had the spontaneous opportunity to meet one of Tanner's teachers. I feel disconnected with his new middle school environment, so it warmed my heart to have a personal conversation with Tanner's reading teacher - a class he is struggling with right now. The evening also allowed me to see a glimpse of Tanner in his new environment - among his new middle school friends. He was so comfortable and clearly well liked. Again, my heart warmed. I felt it was God showing me the positive aspects of living in our small, rural community.

Between Friday and Sunday, I attended 5 soccer games (2 for Tanner, 1 for Tyler, and 2 for MVNU). Through soccer, I am meeting great people in the community whom I feel connection with apart from work and church. Without knowing it, these people have blessed me immensely, and I truly enjoy their friendships. God also reminded me of the opportunities I have to support these friends through the conversations we share along the sidelines. I know I am exactly where God wants me to be for this season.

On Saturday night we spent a relaxing evening with friends. Thank you, Jesus, for friendship. Friendship is the joy of life. We ate dinner and cheesecake together, we laughed, we talked, we played Euchre, and the girls won!!! Through friendship, the Lord provides me with the TLC I need to thrive.

The past two months have been frustrating and tiresome, but this weekend the Lord allowed me to see a view of His purpose. In Esther 4:14, Mordecai said to Esther:

"And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this."

I am in no "royal position." In fact, by the world's standards I am an official peon. By God standards, however, I am significant. Who knows the purpose of these challenging days? God knows! And with that Truth, I am at peace.

Real Life

I realize that I come across "having it all together." It is rarely my intention to give this impression; instead, I am just trying to keep things from becoming a messy, embarrassing explosion. Those who know me well, also know that eventually I let it all out - usually complete with tears. Well, I reached my official melting point this week! Yeah?!

From the day we landed in Ohio after our Oregon vacation, I have been keeping a fast, stressful pace - like most people. In the midst of the pace, I have been battling a raging bad attitude about some key areas in life. I hate bad attitudes - even when they are my own (perhaps especially when they are my own). Challenges, in any form, have the power to break me or build me. Oh, how I desire the later option! I pray that reaching my breaking point allows me to turn a corner in the coming days.

This summer, while completing Beth Moore's Bible study of Esther (2008), I read the following:

"There in the shelter of the Most High we find our SIGNIFICANCE and the only SATISFACTION of our INSATIABLE NEED TO BE NOTICED. There and there alone we are free to be neither depressed nor impressed with the capricious reactions of this carnal world" (p. 147, emphasis added).

Oh, how I needed to be reminded of these words during the past few weeks. At this point, I could start listing all of my gripes about the situations surrounding me, but I will refrain. I could explain away my human reactions to my many frustrations, but I choose to be silent. I could persuade you to "be on my side," but I'll stop. Instead, I am seeking to focus on the purpose of my existence: to glorify God and to build His people. When all else is pulled away, and when I can point my eyes, ears, mind, and soul to this Truth, God strengthens my weaknesses and renews my humanly hopeless mind. I can't survive without Him!

Real life is overwhelming apart from God's Truth.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left,
your ears will hear a voice behind you saying,
"This is the way; walk in it." (Isaiah 30:21, NIV).