Why me.... Why now?

In Acts 9:36-41, Peter raises Tabitha from the dead. Tabitha is not a well known woman of the Bible, yet she receives some attention in Acts. Verse 36b reads, "She was always doing kind things for others and helping the poor." As a result of her kindness, "the room was filled with widows who were weeping and showing (Peter) the coats and other garments Dorcas (i.e., Tabitha) had made for them" (Act 6:39b, NLT). These verses stand out to me today in light of the current verse I am memorizing (and I must say this one has been a bit harder for me):

"This is why I remind you to fan into flame the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hand on you. God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So you must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord.... With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the proclamation of the Good News" (2 Timothy 1:6-8, NLT).

Tabitha/Dorcas had the gift of helping through making clothes for needy people. In using her gift, she became known for it and people paid her respect. God used her to illustrate his power over death in the Book of Acts. I think this is fairly simple, yet it can be quite difficult.

"Fan into flame the spiritual gift God gave you...." I have taught spiritual gifts classes on several occasions. According to the assessments, my gifts are clearly leadership, administration, and wisdom. For several years, I just left off the wisdom gift because I really did not understand it (scholarly of me, huh?). I have known of these gifts in me for a long, long time - late elementary school - though I could not articulate them until my early 20's. I had many opportunities to fan these flames throughout my years in school, but following college the opportunities dramatically decreased. I experienced a number of incredibly disheartening work scenarios between 22 and 27 years of age - ultimately leading me to give up trying to serve in a professional capacity. Tanner was born in 1997 and I devoted the next 8 years to being at home with my boys and volunteering for my church. It was a season of life I am very thankful for now.

"God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline...." During that time following college, I lived in fear and timidity. Rather than seeking out opportunities to use the spiritual gifts God gave me, I sat back and I wondered why I was so unfulfilled. I wanted to serve God in an official ministry capacity, but the doors were closed. As I moved on to motherhood, I found fulfillment in leading and administrating at home and at church. The Lord used those opportunities to re-light the fire within me. Then, through another seriously disheartening life-event, my fire to serve was nearly extinguished. I have spent the last three years focusing on pursuits other than ministry - family, work, and graduate school. I would characterize this time as peaceful, challenging, and rewarding. As I approach the end of my master's degree, I feel the Lord re-lighting the fire within me. I suppose it was never completely gone.

I really have no clear idea what the Lord has in mind for this rekindled fire, but the next phrase of my memory verse states this:

"You must never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord...."

Why is it so hard to share Christ with others? When I take my Bible in public places, like the local coffee shop, I feel self-conscious. Why is that? I am tired of feeling this way, and I think that maybe Christ is strengthening me for "such a time as this" (Esther 4:14). Without the ever-present reality of Christ in my life, I would be absolutely nothing! He has revealed in me a Truth that is eternally powerful and purposeful. He is the only part of my world that equals satisfaction guaranteed. How do I know this? I know this because the longer I seek God, the more of Himself He reveals to me and the more I believe Him to be The Truth. Do I have perfect understanding of all thing? No way. Am I always comfortable and happy? No. Is there a burning sense of purpose in the depths of my being? Yes! And, nothing, NOTHING, except for God can touch those places within me.

Is there something special about me? Well, it depends on who you ask.... But truly, I am more similar to you than different. You and I are equally special in God's eyes (as a parent with two boys, that truth is more real to me now). What He did for Tabitha/Dorcas, for Mary, for ______, He will do for you and for me. There is a deep place in every human being that was created by God, and it is a place only He can fill. For some people, that place is empty and they are searching to fill it with something. For some believing people, that place is half-full because there is just so much to do in a day/week/month/year.

I think God wants that place to have a fire in it - where His Presence can fill it completely. God doesn't struggle with making fire, like the folks on Survivor. All He needs is the desirous heart of a person seeking Him. Need an example? Stay tuned to hear about Cornelius, or better yet, read Acts 10 & 11 to prepare. Also, March 15 is tomorrow.... I need a new verse.